10 Questions To Ask On Your First Date

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Hi, and welcome to today's episode. If you dunno who I am, I'm Dr. Sarah Award-winning psychologist, helping incredible women have an amazing relationship to stop. Finding those emotionally unavailable people so that they can have a relationship that is truly fulfilling and nurturing. Let's get into it. Today we are talking about the top 10 questions that you should be asking when you have just met somebody when you are on a first date, second or third date. But essentially you are getting to know one another and you are trying to figure out. Is this person right for me? Are we compatible? Are we complimentary? Do we share the same values? Do we share the same interests? And is this real? Does this have the potential to be real? Or am I just hooked on chemicals? Am I just hooked on dopamine and oxytocin? Am I just in lust? Or could this really be the real deal? And essentially these are going to be. Some simple questions, but they're going to be questions that will share a lot of depth and you'll really be able to tunnel in deeper into somebody and do this from a place where you don't appear so clingy, you don't appear so needy, that you are not being too intrusive. Um, but actually you all simply. Figuring out is this person right for you and are you right for them as well? So it's really about holding in mind this idea of are we aligned? So it's not just do they like me and how is it that I can get them to like me? Because ultimately if we're asking that question, do they like me? Then you are also trying to figure out how can they like me, but. If you are really considering how do we match and do we match, do we fit in with one another? That's a very different question. And that's really when you consider your whole being and their whole being and you're really seeing, are we aligned? Do we compliment one another? And can this really go the distance with how we both are? So let's get to it. I have got a list of 10 questions that I am so excited to be sharing with you. The first one is, what is your favorite way to spend a weekend? Now, this is a really easy going question. It's nice to opener, but it will tell you a lot about the person. What you are listening to is not necessarily their hobbies. So it's not necessarily about the fact that they go hiking or they spend time with their friends or their family member. Uh, it's not about them doing a bit of work or a charity event. So what we're really listening. For is their values, right? So they're going to be telling you about their hobbies or certain things that they like to do. So specific activities, but really what you are listening into is the value. So for example, if they're saying, Hey, I like to go hiking, then. What we want to investigate a little bit further is, oh wow. So do you do that for fitness and for health, or is that so that you are with nature and so then you can really investigate well, what is the value behind it? And so then they might say, well, actually, yeah, I love. Keeping fit and fitness is really important to me, and that's really beautiful and that's really important for you to then consider. So what you are really looking out for is the value. So the value is not necessarily the surface level hobby or action or behavior that they engage in, but it's the thing that. That action represents. So if it was hiking, then what is it? Is it outdoors? Is it nature? Like do you value being in nature or do you value fitness? If it's spending time with family members, then it is really about asking. Okay, so are you a family man or is it just that they live co. Close and it's convenient, like, you know, what is it? So, so what you are really wanting to do is you start off with this very easy question, what's your favorite way to spend a weekend? And from here you can really tunnel down and explore their values. Next one is, what are you. Passionate about at the moment, and this can be about anything and everything. And I really like this particular question because when you are asking what are you passionate about, then it just opens up the doors. So it could be personal, it could be professional, and you may even tap into their hopes and dreams. So they might say something like, oh, do you know what? I'm really passionate about this particular project in work. And I know it might seem a little bit silly, but I really, really like it. I'm actually getting into it and oh my goodness, like if I could just push this a little bit further and if I could do this or this, maybe I can get promoted. And you know, when you are really digging in in terms of what it is that they're most passionate about, you see them lighting up and. You also can see more of their character. So if they're passionate about something that is within the realm of personal or professional development, then you can see, wow, this person's ambitious and they're passionate about it. Or if they are very creative and they're passionate about it, again, they're into the arts, they're creative, and it gives you more data for their character. And from that, you can really then start to assess how is it that we match up? But equally, if you are somebody who gets really passionate and really excited about certain things, like for example, even if it's just a book that you've read and you've learn a lot and you're really passionate about it, and you know that there are so many messages in there that you're wanting to practice, or even if it's a side project or a side hustle that you're actually really getting into and you're really enjoying it, then. That's really important as well, because actually you would want to be with somebody who is able to match your energy, not necessarily exactly the same field, but simply matching your energy in being passionate about something as opposed to them being passive. Because if you are very active and they're passive. Then we have a, an incongruence and it becomes very challenging and it's really hard to figure out whether or not you'd be complimentary because the shared understanding in terms of how important this stuff is to you is gonna be really hard to hit home. Third question, do you enjoy work? Or is it a stepping stone for you? And with this, it's pretty basic, but you can really then start to identify where they are in their career and how it is that they. View their work? What is their work ethic like, but also how is it that they view work versus home and personal life? Do they have a work life integration or are they completely divided and actually they're disinterested from their workplace? And the more that you investigate that, then the more that you get to see their character and how willing they are to pursue a career that is meaningful for'em, that actually lights up their day because we spend a lot of our time in work, so we better like it. Okay. Number four, what is your go-to? Comfort food or your favorite restaurant. Again, this is lighthearted. It gets the conversation flowing, and also it opens up the doors for really fun ideas. Really fun date ideas, creative ideas. And also it can open up the door for cultural exploration. So if you are somebody who is into culture, food is always an amazing doorway to that. Okay, question number five. Where have you traveled that has really changed your perspective? This might seem like a simple question on the surface, but it can give a lot of depth and you can really discover a lot by asking this question, even if it's just on the first state, because it's an easy question to ask somebody. Where have you gone to? Where have you traveled? That has really changed your perspective, right? It's, you know, it's not, it doesn't sound too invasive to begin with, but actually it gives you a lot of depth. Because it will show you their character. First off, it'll show you where they've been. Yeah. And how is it they've gotten there? Have they been somewhere unusual or is it somewhere quite common? Um, but then also it will give you that, the depth of their character, because then they will tell you a lot more about what their perspectives. Were like beforehand what it is that they knew about the world before, or about culture before, what it is that they knew about themselves before that, but also how it is that they've grown and how it is that they've developed based on this travel experience. Okay. Question number six. Who has been most influential in your life? This is quite an inspiring question because you then discover more about their character. You discover more about who it is that they are inspired by what it is that they love to do, because the moment that somebody talks about their, I. Number six, asking the question, who has been most influential in your life? This will, again, give you depth of character, but it'll also give you a clue as. To you what it is that they value. So for example, if they're talking about their friends or their family members that have been most influential, then it gives you an opening to really understanding more about the people that are around them. But alternatively, if they're talking about somebody who's famous and they're talking about certain characteristics that this famous individual has, then it can show a lot of ambition and a lots of inspiration and drive. But again, it's a playful question and you are able to tease out. Quite a lot from that. Okay. Question number seven. What kind of things make you laugh the hardest? Now this gives you insight into that type of humor, their comedic stance. This is so important and it is also something that tends to be forgotten about. We all have a different type of humor and some people are really into sarcastic. Humor. Uh, and some people are into serious comedy. Some people are really into the very obvious comedy as well. So it's important that we really understand the person's type of humor because laughter is. Crucial. Your relationship needs to be fun. You need to be able to laugh, and so it is important that you are on the same page when it comes to humor because imagine this, you are laughing really hard and they're not because they understand the joke, but it's just not funny. To them, then that is just depressing. That just falls down like a lead balloon and it, it's just unpleasant and it would be also unpleasant, vice versa. So if you are not able to laugh together, that would be a really sad future. So find out what do they laugh at the hardest. Okay. Number eight, if money wasn't an issue. How do you spend your time? Now, this really gives them a blank canvas, allowing them to dream a dream. Dream their best life possible. And this is going to tell you how high they think the limits are, how high they think the sky is, how high they can reach, how much they can have. And that would be incredible, right? Because. A lot of us may really struggle to even conceive the answer to this question. A lot of us may think, oh my goodness, like I'd probably just sit at home watching TV or like, I don't know, maybe see a friend or go for a walk, go for a coffee, and if somebody comes up with something different, wildly different, that's like, oh my God, you know what? There's this charity organization that operates in Africa and. Build schools and oh, it would be amazing to go down there and get digging. Or if I am able to travel to this country and this country and, you know, go into deep sea diving, whatever it might be. But, but this really gives them a blank canvas and you can see how it's that they dream. So first off, it's going to tell you about their values. It's going to tell you about what they believe is possible for themselves and. The more that they believe is possible for themselves, the more that they believe is going to be possible for you. My personal bias is that you are wanting a. All the colors being painted on that canvas because if they believe that the sky's the limit, if they believe that the sky is infinite, in fact actually they're not even on planet Earth, they're out there in the universe. If they believe that to all of those things, that there is an infinite level of possibility for them, then they will unconsciously also believe that you have unlimited potential and unlimited. Infinite possibilities for what is possible for you, and that is incredible because it's those kinds of people that will unconsciously wave your flag. And when you are entering a partnership, you need somebody who's able to wave your flag. However, if you have somebody who is really struggling to come up with anything on this canvas, well then guess what? If they can't see it for themselves, then they're not gonna see it for you, and that's going to be incredibly excruciating to deal with, and you are not going to be guessing very far. Okay, question number nine. What's something small that makes your day better? This is a really cute question because it shows you about what it is that they appreciate just in the small, mundane, day-to-day things. So it might be, oh, it's just my morning coffee out of my machine. Or it could be, you know what? I have this. Hair gel that I use every morning, and I know it's a bit silly, but it smells so good. I love doing it, and it takes me a minute and it just makes my day better. Or it could even be, I always put on this song when I'm cooking breakfast and it just brightens up my day, whatever it might be. But just ask. It's a funky question. What is something small that would make their day better? And again, it gives you insight into how much it is that they appreciate the small things. And by the way, you are wanting somebody who can be grateful over the small things because gratitude goes a long way and it shows a lot about somebody's character. Okay, question number 10. The last one. What is your idea? Perfect Sunday night. What is the perfect Sunday night? And if somebody is saying, oh my goodness, Sunday night is a bit awkward because I'm dreading Monday. Oh, I can't help but share my bias on this one. That's really sad. That's my bias. Like how sad is that? If somebody is there saying to you, I'm really like, I don't like Sunday nights, because I'm thinking about Monday mornings, and what that does is that it really shows you what their attitude is like. So Mondays don't suck. Like I just have to be clear. Mondays do not suck. It's the attitude that sucks around Mondays, and if they believe that Mondays suck and therefore Sunday evenings suck, well then we've got a real issue because it's an issue of attitude and not an issue of. Days. But if on the other hand they are talking about, well, actually Sunday, oh, do you know what, like I just wanna get all my meal prep done because I just wanna make sure that I'm set for the week and like, you know, just preparing for the week. Or it could be, actually, I love spending time with my family and we all have this big dinner together on Sunday night. What is their ideal Sunday night? If there were no limits, what's their ideal Sunday night? And again, it gives you so much insight into their character and their value system, how it is that they would live day to day. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If you have, please share it with a friend or a family member because if you've enjoyed it, I bet you that one of them will do too. And as always, if you are interested or wanting to talk about anything that we've spoken about today, please get in touch. My details are in the show notes below. Until next time, take care of yourself. I.