Love Life Checklist & Rekindling Romance

Transcript

0:00

Hello my friends. Welcome back to this episode because today we are talking about how do you rekindle romance and intimacy, particularly if you have been together for a long time and things might get a little bit stale. They might get a little bit boring, a little bit mundane, or actually you just have life and life gets in the way and life is so busy. What do you do so that you can really feel connected again? And there's something that I call the seven year audit, which I think all couples should be doing. If you have hit the seven year mark. Then you should really have a big evaluation of your relationship actually sitting down and asking each other, how have I developed? How have I changed over the years? How have you developed? How have you changed over the years? What is different about us now than what it was back then? What is it that we miss about each other when we first got together compared with how things are now? And actually what is it that we like? That things are going now. What is it that we want to keep? What is it that we want to shed and get rid of? And I would say that this is actually a process that we need to do every seven years of the relationship because you are going to change fundamentally, your values, your belief systems, because you've had different experiences, you've had life happening. And my goodness, you should change in that time. And so should your partner, if you were exactly the same as what you were seven years ago. That's really sad, in my opinion. That's really sad because then it shows that you have not evolved in life, which is crazy to me because we are constantly evolving, but. That's really the seven year audit process that I would recommend anybody do, because the more that you are able to do that and really reflect on it, then that in itself will give you a sign of what is the new connection like, what is the new form of intimacy, like, what is it that I want to lean more into? What is it that my partner lean wants to lean more into, and how is it that we can meet each other in that leaning? How is it that we can both really embody and embrace the changes, especially the things that we've enjoyed, the things that we've grown, the things that we have felt nurtured with? What is it that's been really helpful and healthy for us? And actually, what is it that we need? What is it that we would need to still maintain, but also to integrate as a new? So does that mean we need to integrate a new schedule that we need to integrate? A new form of connection, a new form of intimacy. Are these things that we need to start considering and integrating? How is it that we're going to commit to these things? So, so these are all conversations that you can have with the seven year audit process. But first things first. Going back to the subject, well, how is it that you identify that intimacy is fading? And this is something that's so important for us to recognize because intimacy is not just about sexual contact, but it's really about the emotional. Intimacy that we have with one another. How much vulnerability am I willing to share and express with my partner? How much am I exposing of my life to my partner and vice versa? How connected do we feel on an emotional level? How much are we really in the same head space that they can essentially predict what's going on in my, in my head, and I could predict what's going on in their head? How much are we. Together, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually, because those things are really important and they do fade over time, especially if you've got children, busy schedules, if you are stressed because of work, and unfortunately that leads to complacency. So you know, some of the common signs would be. Being complacent. And that might be that you just assume that your partner is there because they've always been there, right? And so you don't really feed into it as much. You might be missing date nights or you might be rescheduling certain things. You might be, uh, spending more time with your friends or family members. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that, but you might opt for that as opposed to opting for spending time with your partner and doing date night with your partner. And so. You know, these things are really important for you to consider because these are all signs of intimacy fading, and it's going to happen the busier your lives are because things just seem to get in the way. But I would say it's really about this. It's all a matter of priority. So if other things felt like priority. So for example, if work has felt like priority or looking after the kids has felt like priority or the schedule, things have looked like they've taken priority. If that's the case, then we are going to unfortunately and inadvertently accidentally without any malice, but we are going to then assume that the person who's always stood by our side. We'll understand and they will always be there. And so, not that they're not priority, but we've stopped prioritizing them. We've somehow been able to excuse them from being priority because we've got such a busy schedule that everything else has taken priority and we just assume that they'll understand. And that is really unfortunate because actually that's the person who has stood by you all of these years and vice versa. So this is really a, a two-way street. And one of the other signs really is about emotional disconnect and unspoken resentment. Because as time goes on, there will be certain things that you will become resentful over. So whether it be that you are always doing the cooking, or you are always doing the cleaning, or you are doing the childcare, the bulk of the work, whatever it might be, or that, you know, um, you are resentful because you see them being happy, spending time with their friends and you don't do that yourself, but there will be certain things that you will. Have resentment towards, and that resentment will build up as well. And that's simply because you are not actually having much communication time to discuss these issues, for these issues to come up and for you to really get a shared understanding and for you to really have that togetherness time. how do you rebuild emotional closeness? So I'm going to be talking about a few different techniques here and a few different things that you and your partner can be doing. But the first thing that I would love to start off with is do your love language. Assess your love language and your partner's love language. Identify what is your love language, right? So, uh, there is a love language test online. It's free. Go ahead, Google it. You'll be able to find it. Um, but essentially your love languages are either words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts. Acts of service and quality time. So identify which one belongs to you and which one belongs to your partner. And once you've got that, I want you to first of all create. Some kind of ritual where you are able to engage in not your love language, but your partner's love language and express love in their love language by doing a small gesture and doing this daily. So I'll give you an example. If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, then why not write them a love note on a post-it note every morning? And you can have it in different places of the house, or you can send'em a text message every morning before you go to work or whilst you're in work saying, I love you, or I'm thinking about you. And I love the way that you smile first thing in the morning. Whatever it might be, but actually you start expressing love in that love language. Or if your love language is acts of service, then actually your partner could be doing an active service, for example, wiping up the table. Or clearing out the plates, or it could be making you your morning coffee while you come downstairs. So it's really important that we then start considering what our own love languages are and not express love in our love language, but we express it in our partner's love language so they can feel loved in that moment and vice versa. Second thing is shared experiences. Shared experiences is so important. And when I'm talking about that, I'm talking about when you are both able to spend quality time face to face with one another and really experience life So whether it be something that you are really wanting to experience, it's fun, it's adventurous, or whether it be something spiritual or whether it be exercise, if it's a new workout, whatever it might be. But start sharing experiences together because whether or not you both like it. Or if one person likes it, the other person feels a bit uncomfortable, it's actually an experience and you both get laughter out of it. You both get something out of it. And the more that you are able to laugh together, the more that you're able to share experiences, the more that you actually understand one another. The more that you grow together, the more that you develop together, and it gives you a lot of insight into your partner's value system in terms of their thoughts or opinions and their beliefs about themselves and their relationship. Even if it is not necessarily an experience that they would've gone for. And all of these different things are so crucial for the rekindling of connection and intimacy because you are getting to know your partner more, even in situations that might be quite uncomfortable. So whether you go out on an adventure or you do one of these adult, escape rooms or puzzle games, or if you do a race or a competition. All of these things will really start exposing different qualities of your partner, and you actually start learning about them all over again. And finally, it's really about having some form of reconnection. So the reconnection would be having deep conversations, allowing yourself to express your vulnerability, but also. Physical connection and sensual reconnection. So this is connection and affection outside of the bedroom. So it doesn't have to be sex, but it's actually about where you have just physical touch, where you are holding hands, where you are giving each other a hug, or you are hugging each other a little bit longer when you enter the door from work. And that's really important because if you are able to do that, then that in itself sets a foundation For further reconnection and it also communicates desire and boundaries. This is all outside of the bedroom as well, And here's the thing, what I would actually say is that it is a lot easier to take off your clothes than it is to really take off all of those layers of. It's fears and resistance, and uncertainties about being vulnerable. So to anybody listening, I would highly recommend that you set yourself up for a 30 day challenge, 30 day challenge being the ritual. What ritual are you going to be doing every single day to express love and affection towards your partner, whether that be speaking in their love language, communicating and conveying love in their love language, or whether that be affection, whether that be physical touch, whether that be. Really creating safe space where you are able to experience new things together and experience committed time together. If anything from today's show has resonated with you, please share it with a friend or a family member, and if you are needing any support in any of the content, please get in touch. Until next time, take care.